I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize