her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
