at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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