I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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