Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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