I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
