After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
