The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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