Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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