____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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