I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
