Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
