dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
