Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize