Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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