Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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