Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
