Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
