every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
