Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I puked a lego.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
