it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
