i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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