That's intense
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
