I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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