You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
