its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
