I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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