went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
