You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
