the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
