we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
