I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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