I showed him my bush... on skype.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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