if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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