oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Pants 0. Shit 1.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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