My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
