GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
