I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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