whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So many bounce houses so little time
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
