is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Houston, we have a squirter
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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