My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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