My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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