What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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