Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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