I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
