so that wasnt chicken after all
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
