awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
