i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
