The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
