did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
