Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
