you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
