all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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