There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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