...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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