i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
