Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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