you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
