I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
