her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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