I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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