tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
