I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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