I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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