Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
do nipples grow back?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
