Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize