its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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