Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
