Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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