Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He did a backflip because drugs
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
