Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize