Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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