did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
