She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize