christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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