her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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