i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
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